After 40 years of multiple sclerosis, 20 years of me being a carer, 6 months of palliative care, and weeks of intense decline, my mother has passed away.
This is a weird time for us. There’s been a sombre mood over the house while we come to terms with everything we’ve been through and what the new “normal” is. I’ve been working on a couple per-zines to help me process (which I’ll be making available on my shop) and I’ve been offered some work leading workshops on processing grief through that format – not that I’m an expert, but the friend who offered me the opportunity clearly thinks I have something to offer with the grief work that she does.
I don’t want to drag people down about it so I’ve been self editing when I speak about it, and the zines offer me a more raw outlet for things I wouldn’t usually talk about. Maybe they’ll help other people going through similar things, or maybe they’ll just help people understand me more. It’s important to hold non judgemental spaces, as much for ourselves as other people, and there’s really no wrong way to feel or to express yourself about intense, and intensely complicated, life events. Radical self acceptance, and all that.
During times of intense trauma I obsess over a creative endeavour, and this time it’s zines, which is good for me. I think we’re all ok enough, all things considered.